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Bullying or conflict?

Two female members of the school basketball team are arguing with each other over the loss of a recent game. One of the girls is blaming the other for letting the opposing team knock the ball out of her hands before she could throw it. The other girl is saying it’s her teammate’s fault because she didn’t pass the ball to her during the last few seconds of the game. They continue to fight until their coach gets involved and tells the girls to stop arguing.

This is an example of conflict. Both girls have equal power and are disagreeing over the outcome of a game. Neither is threatened or harmed, and neither is showing signs of humiliation or distress.

If one of the girls continued to blame the other and started calling her names, taunting her outside of the gymnasium or even getting others to gang up on her for the purpose of hurting her feelings or alienating her from her team and peers, that would be considered bullying.

The Bully

Bullying is about power, and power is something that some children will naturally want to experiment with. Some kids may use bullying as a way to enhance their social power and protect their prestige with their peers. Some kids actually use bullying to deflect taunting and aggression that is directed toward them – a form of self-protection.

Bullies & Bystanders

Bullying rarely happens in isolation – it almost always happens in front of other kids or adults, who are called bystanders. This section will help clarify the role each play in bullying.

There are usually many reasons why a child or an adult might engage in bullying behavior, some of these might include:

• Lack of warmth and true involvement from their parents;
• Overly-permissive parenting;
• Harsh, physical discipline from their parents;
• Lack of self-confidence;
• Poor behavior modeled at home by their parents or siblings, or other adults in their lives;
• Poor behavior modeled in the community or in school by their peers;
• Attempt to gain power in reaction to being bullied by others.

Children who bully may turn into teens who sexually harass, become involved in delinquent behaviors, display gang-associated behavior, or engage in dating violence. Research shows that bullies are seven times more likely than other students to carry weapons to school. It also shows that children who acted as bullies in grades 6 to 9 are six times more likely to have a criminal record by the age of 24.

The Bystander

What is power without an audience? Currently, about 88% of bullying takes place in the presence of youth other than the bully and the victim. There are two types of bystanders – the hurtful and the helpful. Let’s quickly explain both of these: